'dreaming body' - i like i like, bodies don't dream, good good good 'adept' - nobody uses this word, so, good one 'so I did not/give you my name/when I introduced/myself' - i like that you don't use apostrophes and abbreviations.
the poem itself is all about the I whoever the I may be and is characterised by this constant 'my' 'I' 'myself' 'me' etc. it's great that you can get this much from really such a small piece of writing. it reminds me of flash fiction, arousing mystery and empathy in tiny amounts of words, though told in such a way that wouldn't fail to arouse the said things. why lies? why no name given at introduction? who is the 'you'?
the last stanza also sounds slightly malicious, but perhaps more righteous - sounds as if the 'I' is saying basically that everybody lies (everybody can be a chameleon), or at least that this 'you' person lies as well - provoking a confession almost. or a concession.
like a haiku, like many of your others. not only this but in such non-descriptive, but silently powerful lines as you have written here, things like 'dreaming body' do stick out and i want to stick you with the buddhists and daoists and whatever else constitutes chinese verse. you have a minimalist way with words (you spare nothing, i can tell) but with a maximalist output. it's groovy.
'dreaming body' - i like i like, bodies don't dream, good good good
ReplyDelete'adept' - nobody uses this word, so, good one
'so I did not/give you my name/when I introduced/myself' - i like that you don't use apostrophes and abbreviations.
the poem itself is all about the I whoever the I may be and is characterised by this constant 'my' 'I' 'myself' 'me' etc. it's great that you can get this much from really such a small piece of writing. it reminds me of flash fiction, arousing mystery and empathy in tiny amounts of words, though told in such a way that wouldn't fail to arouse the said things. why lies? why no name given at introduction? who is the 'you'?
the last stanza also sounds slightly malicious, but perhaps more righteous - sounds as if the 'I' is saying basically that everybody lies (everybody can be a chameleon), or at least that this 'you' person lies as well - provoking a confession almost. or a concession.
like a haiku, like many of your others. not only this but in such non-descriptive, but silently powerful lines as you have written here, things like 'dreaming body' do stick out and i want to stick you with the buddhists and daoists and whatever else constitutes chinese verse. you have a minimalist way with words (you spare nothing, i can tell) but with a maximalist output. it's groovy.