Popping the top of the Sprite Spec Commercial

Despite what you read here, I don't shock or offend easily. I've watched or listened to nearly every form of entertainment you can think of. Some of them you'd be hard pressed to defend as entertainments. And I can mount a defense of the depravity and dehumanizing acts depicted in Pasolini's Salo as a statement on our callow and base natures using American Idol as an example.

So when I rail against a non-commercial that has not been banned in Germany, a spec commercial created for Sprite and viewable here in this Young Turks YouTube clip, it's more out of sheer disappointment. Disappointment that so many creative types reduce sex in marketing to something leering, immature and creatively bankrupt.

BK has done it. Hardee's has done it. And I I summarily dismissed both for their sophomoric efforts some time ago. No doubt, other companies are looking to do it, too. In this case, the spec commercial, if you haven't checked the link above, shows a woman who appears to be performing fellatio getting sprayed in the face with the contents of a bottle of Sprite.

Sex can be funny. Sex can be rendered with sophistication. European ad campaigns have proved this time and time again. This spec commercial for Sprite, and the BK and Hardee's campaigns, is neither funny nor sophisticated. It's not even really a commercial at the end of the day. So why am I talking about it?

1) The spec commercial is likely to be circulated virally, thus becoming a de facto commercial, whether Sprite likes it or not. I gather the company does not. It creates a rather unfortunate and embarrassing public relations situation for Sprite that it probably hadn't anticipated (if the company played no part in encouraging the creation of this item).

2) Somewhere, someone is creating content using your brand or product, and they are sharing it with friends, posting for all to see on the web. So you need to be aware of what it going on with your brand and engaging and guiding consumers where possible in the creation of that content so it is in keeping with the brand and messages you want to communicate.

Obviously, you can't control all content or commentary on your brand, but you do have to be more vigilant than ever to protect ya neck. Your willingness to be transparent and engaging also goes a long way to maintaining your reputation when content like this pops up, pardon the pun.

Organ grinding from Burger King + Hardee's

Friends, I am a marketer. I'm also a consumer. Which means I'm open to persuasion. I like creative that is sophisticated and subtle. I want to sense that there is an intelligence, a wit behind the effort. I want a reason to believe, a little wooing. What I don't want is clumsy, heavy handed pawing so I feel like I got worked over or used.

Frankly, friends, I'm feeling that way about recent marketing campaigns by Hardee's and Burger King. All of the qualities I talked about above have been rapaciously ripped from the playbooks of these two fast food chains. They want attention. They want to be talked about. Well, they have my attention, but I doubt they'll like what I have to say.

We have to start somewhere, so let's start with a promotional item for Burger King's Super Seven Incher . The new advert, which is labeled "It'll blow your mind away", features a very plastic looking lady, mouth wide open, ready to, um, enjoy a very phallic looking sub-style burger. The copy is full of innuendo that would be cheap; if it wasn't tired and borrowed: "Fill your desire for something long, juicy and flame grilled... Yearn for more..." No mistaking it, it's food porn, or forn (pood would sound more unseemly).

What strikes me as odd is that, much like most recent BK ads, this appears to be geared toward a young, testosterone fueled, heterosexual male audience. So why the heavily phallic text? I can't see the appetite of that audience being whetted by a sandwich that is described much like male genitalia. Maybe it's meant to be subversive. Or BK just assumes it's audience is illiterate and won't read the copy. I don't know. It's leering, tacky and dumb, and it makes the sandwich sound unappealing. Speaking of which, I like how the words "It'll blow" appear on one line all by themselves, suggesting not oral pleasure, but a crappy meal. Which befits the crappy creative.

Aiming slightly lower, figuratively if not literally, is a Hardee's ad announcing its new Biscuit Holes. They are tubby little bundles of dough, or something, that look fried and are served (You thought I was going to say 'come', didn't you?) with icing. The slightly shaggy and not too young man who introduces these confectionery concoctions - a kind of poor man's Tom Green - does a man on the street bit to ask folks to think of a better handle for these gustatory treats. (You can actually do this at Hardee's NameOurHoles website .) What follows in the ad can basically be summed up as a series of euphemisms for testes. We get 'goodie balls,' 'Frosty Dippers', 'Sweet Balls', 'CinniNuts','TastiNuts', 'DingleBalls,''Melting Holes'...

Okay, so the last one sounds more like some kind of anal infection. Regardless, it doesn't make the prospect of eating them very palatable. I have this rule: the last thing I want to think about when I enjoy a nice snack is any part of the human anatomy, male or female. But what do I know? Seriously, Hardee's, if you really want us to associate your snack with the testes, why don't you package them in a sack? Again, insipid creative like this is enough to put me off my appetite. But since you asked for names, Hardee's, I'll bite. Call them Dingleberreez. There. Call me. The ball's in your court.

What do you think? Are they crass, or do you like the sass?